We are all learning how to adapt to this new environment and lifestyle… but believe me when I say it has taken a toll on the entire world. This period in all of our lives has given us the time to learn new things about ourselves and our loved ones. We have picked up new hobbies, critically thought about our future with our partners and asked ourselves a million times…what do we want to do?
Human evolution has drastically changed with a drive to share life with a partner- just not all day long. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors developed bonds with a partner, but they parted ways during the day in order to complete their tasks. For thousands of years, even the die-hard romantic couples needed space.
So the question is, what happens now that spouses are staying home all day, and many unmarried couples find themselves quarantined together? The possibilities to this question are endless, but let me address a few scenarios that are NOT the way for a relationship to survive the COVID-19 quarantine.
Rebecca Garcia, a soon to be college graduate from Houston, Texas, during an interview, told me that her boyfriend had been driving her crazy.
“He never cleans up after himself, he always wakes up late and lounges around all day and It makes me crazy!”Garcia, 2020
Ms. Garcia began picking her partner’s flaws and although in ordinary circumstances this could lead to a negative outcome, during these troubled times, it could be an absolute relationship killer.
“Quarantine affected my mood as soon as classes went online, gyms closed and I lost my job. I was less physically active and had little to no tasks to exert my energy into.”Garcia, 2020
The destructive thoughts in your head can be the key ingredient to your overall negative mindset and in Ms.Garcia’s case, she began projecting her disappointment and lack of motivation onto her partner.
In doing so, she carelessly forgot the love and passion that was the foundation of their relationship as she began to pick her boyfriends flaws. It’s difficult to grasp the correct emotions you are feeling during this time, however, it is important to take a step back and ask yourself how important the fight is?
Tips for Couples Quarantined Together
“Research has shown that a negative event (such as your partner rehashing an old fight) typically has at least three times the impact of a comparable positive event (such as your partner recalling one of your past kindnesses).”John Tierney and Roy F. Baumeister, 2020
If you catch yourself behaving differently, dwelling on past conflicts, or projecting your negative emotions on your partner then I recommend you change your mindset use the Rule of Four.
Four good things are required to overcome one bad thing. Given all the negativity we hear in the news, you need positivity to compensate.
Write down the negative and positive emotions you are feeling and allow your brain to unwind for a moment. Do not blame, point fingers, or create resentment during this time. You will need to critically think about the conflicts and learn to understand it from all perspectives before jumping to a conclusion.
[Read: Anxiety in Relationship]
For example, Ms.Garcia noticed her partner becoming lazy and unmotivated which made her wonder if she wanted to be in the relationship. However, what she needed to take into consideration was that her partner is also be going through this new transition and has their own way of coping.
Everyone’s situation is different so I can’t pinpoint exactly what you need to focus on, however, quarantine can be a blessing in disguise for you to critically learn what internal struggles you suppress as well as what you can and can not handle in the relationship.
[Read: It Didn’t Start With You]
After you have taken time to logically think about this, communicate the conflicts with your partner calmly and reasonably. Address what you both could do to change old habits and learn to build each other up through this pandemic.
Create new and exciting tasks for you and your partner to do together and allow this time to help you build a stronger relationship with them. Just keep in mind that your emotions might be all over the place with everything going on so you’ll need to avoid impulsive decisions.
Quarantine Date Ideas!!!
- A Romantic picnic in the park, backyard, beach, etc. Add your favorite drinks, snacks and games to spicy things up. You’ll need:
2. Drive-in movies (IF near you)
3. Dinner Date at home. Each week switch off who picks the meal or cooks.
Tips for Personal Growth During Quarantine
Remember that your partner should NOT be the only source of your happiness and motivation!! I can not stress this enough people…It is predominantly the most important aspect to understand when it comes to relationships.
Never expect your happiness to come from others, remind yourself that you are your own person and you do not need others to make you happy or motivate you in life. So, remind yourself that the relationship should only amplify your happiness.
Quarantine should be a great opportunity for you to learn about yourself and face your inner struggles FIRST.
Be sure to take time to occupy your mind with tasks you enjoy doing alone:
- Go for a Run.
- Read a Book (Top Sellers: Get Out Of Your Own Way, You Are A Badass, etc)
- Listen to an Audio Book (Top Seller: Unf*ck yourself, Think Big, Act Small,etc)
- Find a new exciting hobby (Painting, DIY Projects, Hiking, etc)
- Learn a new recipe for dinner.
You will want to build healthy habits on your own before helping or expecting your partner to do so. This step is particularly important to remind yourself how to enjoy doing things solo. Once you have done that and you feel confident in yourself, learn to communicate and address your conflicts with your partner.
I am here to provide my relationship advice and dive deeper into your conflicts and understand where you and are your partner are coming from. Relationships in quarantine isn’t an easy thing to go through, so allow me to help you through this journey. Subscribe to my blog and reach out to me with any questions because we are in this together!
Quarantine Must Haves!