When to Break Up with Someone and When to Stick It Out:
It’s difficult knowing whether or not you’re going through a rough patch, or if it’s time to throw the towel in… It’s difficult knowing when to walk away and feel confident in doing it.
But don’t worry just yet, I have studied relationships for years now, and will give you the answers that will solve all your dating problems.
Okay…maybe I’m over exaggerating a little. But there are some principles that can help you figure out what you should do!
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1. Identify the REAL Issue
A lot of people in relationships find themselves fighting over innocuous things. I remember my ex-boyfriend, and I got into a fight over guacamole. GUACAMOLE! We were arguing back and forth over something as minuscule as dipping sauce…
My point is that we’re never just upset about guacamole. We’re mad about a bunch of things that may be piling up. Stuff that we’re not addressing but seem to have in the back of our heads.
When it comes to expressing emotions, conflicts arise if either partner holds their feelings in.
Thus, the arguing of guacamole made me realize something.
In order to have a healthy relationship, you have to understand why you’re upset with your partner in the first place. Ask yourself what’s really important, and dig into your own personal conflicts for a moment.
Why do they drive you nuts when their busy working? Why do you hate when they disagree over small things? Is it an anger that reflects how you feel about yourself? or something that has happened to you in the past? Start asking yourself these questions and look beyond the surface to address those issues within yourself first.
2. Communicate the Problem
No relationship is perfect, everyone comes with their own flaws. So, the real question will always come down to whose flaws are you willing to handle?
If your partner is doing something that is bothering you, don’t expect them to magically read your mind. The key to solving the problem is that both you and your partner are willing to work things out, and you give them that chance to help you fix it.
3. Don’t Attack or Take Things Personal.
Our mind has a way of making us take everything personally. We make conclusions about who our partner is based on their behavior and try to figure out what it means for us. This feeling is NATURAL, it’s not the healthiest and can get you into trouble, but it is natural.
Most of the time, your partner’s intentions aren’t as simple and straightforward as you think they are. Sometimes they aren’t even aware of what they did wrong. That is why you must focus on the problem at hand and refrain yourself from attacking their character or bringing up irrelevant things to the topic.
As soon as you start attacking them …that’s when things spin out of control and it’s hard for either person to explain their perspective.
4. Back Away From The “Relationship Scorecard.”
It never matters whose fault it is, and there are always two sides to every conflict. Even if one person might be more responsible than the other for the current situation, it doesn’t help if the two of you are stubborn and expect the other to see your point.
Ignore the scorecard, and don’t bring up past issues when trying to fix the current one. The goal is not to have the same mindset on the situation. But to keep in mind that not everyone will have the same perception of the problem. We all think were right, but that doesn’t mean we are.
5. Can You Live With A Compromise?
Conflicts are broken down into two categories: Conflicts of preference and Conflicts of value.
A conflict of preference genuinely shows when two people like different things or don’t meet eye to eye on the little things. Maybe they have different opinions about sushi or music or even what they choose to do with their free time (video games, lifting weights, etc).
Yes, these conflicts can be annoying, and yes, if you have a lot of them, they can cause damage. But having these differences can open your eyes to something new. Do you seriously want to be with someone who is EXACTLY like you? How will you ever learn something new? Maybe there’s an activity that they want to do with you, and that bugs you. But is that a sign of your incompatibility?
A conflict of value occurs when two people are different at the core level. Were talking ideologies, whether or not you want kids, politics, money, long-term goals, etc because conflicts within this realm can be hard.
So, ask yourself if who you are as a person is in conflict with who they are as a person. If the answer was yes, then don’t hold onto something that won’t sustain a healthy relationship. This isn’t anyone’s fault.
Everyone has their battles; I get it. Don’t ever stay in a relationship if you aren’t ready nor happy. But I hope you take these critical principles with you when making that decision.
If it is one thing I have learned in this new culture of dating, it’s that communication, social media, and compromise have shifted the way we treat a relationship and a breakup. People are less inclined to work things out, talk about their emotions, or understand someone.
But if you’re reading this, then that means you’re old enough to know the difference between right and wrong…So, I hope you take this knowledge and apply it to your own life.